Makeup Sex After a Fight: Does It Really Heal a Relationship?

February 24, 2026 | 09:34 am

TEMPO.CO, Jakarta - You and your partner have just had a big fight. Thankfully, you've resolved most of the issues. However, you still feel awkward and perhaps even insecure about your position. These emotions can lead to one common behavior: makeup sex, or having sex after a fight. Makeup sex, also called "apology sex," is actually what it means. As expected, the process begins with an argument.

Psychologist Julie Gottman notes that many couples feel distant from each other after a big fight, something many people can relate to.

"Distance creates fear, creates insecurity, and creates anxiety," adds Julie. These emotions can make one partner feel the need to immediately reconcile the lost connection, and sex is one way couples tend to feel close and truly loved.

Of course, sex isn't essential for every relationship, but especially if you and your partner prioritize physical intimacy, it may seem like the one thing you both can agree on right now, but will it really heal the open wound?

Are There Any Benefits of Makeup Sex for Relationships?

Engaging in makeup sex isn't inherently bad for a relationship—but it should be paired with at least one other form of reassurance. In fact, when it comes to couples who engage in makeup sex, Julie says they may actually need verbal reassurance or some form of physical touch.

Sex shouldn't be the only form of apology or reassurance. So, whether before or after you make love, use other words and actions to remind your partner that you love them.

For even more connection, cuddle afterward. Psychologist John Gottman references one study that looked at 70,000 people in 24 countries (detailed in the book, The Normal Bar) and identified a common pattern between couples who self-reported great sex lives and those who didn't.

"Of the couples who didn't cuddle in all those countries, 96 percent of them had poor sex lives. Only 4 percent of the non-cuddlers had great sex lives," John notes. Suffice to say, cuddling may be as important to your sex life as the act itself, both for reconciliation and a healthy sex life in general.

Overall, makeup sex isn't necessarily good or bad for your relationship, but it shouldn't replace verbal reassurance or other forms of physical touch. Be sure to remind your partner that you love them for more than just sex, and you should do it well.

TEMPO | MIND BODY GREEN

Read: Sex During Ramadan: When Is the Right Time?

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